


Thoughts of an Angel

by SoHoldMeTight



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angels, Anna deserves more love, BAMF Anna, BAMF Castiel, BAMF Dean, BAMF Sam, Cas likes colors, Cas's thoughts, Castiel Needs a Hug, Castiel!whump, Character Development, Character Growth, Destiel - Freeform, Flashbacks, Humanity, Implied Destiel - Freeform, Implied/Referenced Torture, Memories, Possible Destiel - Freeform, SPN - Freeform, Sastiel friendship c, Thoughts on Castiel, growing friendship, hinted - Freeform, hints at destiel, season 4
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-26
Updated: 2017-04-26
Packaged: 2018-10-24 04:22:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10734042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoHoldMeTight/pseuds/SoHoldMeTight
Summary: These are just some ideas of Castiel's first time on Earth in a very, very long time. I hope you enjoyed! I may do a continuation but I'm not quite sure. Let me know what you think!





	Thoughts of an Angel

**Author's Note:**

> These are just some ideas of Castiel's first time on Earth in a very, very long time. I hope you enjoyed! I may do a continuation but I'm not quite sure. Let me know what you think!

First it was his sister.

She'd had a powerful form, her grace was strong and steady, loyal.

Her vessel was pale and thin, long tendrils of snowy hair curled around his sister's- the vessel's- vacant body like spilled sugar. But nothing was sweet about this situation.

Or was it sour?

Dean Winchester had once told him the best candies were a combination of both flavors, something which excited a person and yet made then recoil from the taste. It was something Castiel could not understand. There was much he could not understand.

Castiel was reminded of his ignorance by a consistent noise. The humans' machines continued to flash and create high, sharp echoes of one another.

Raising his hand, Castiel silenced the machines. Black, thick silence now wrapped around him like Jimmy Novak's coat. He was surprised (and somewhat startled) by the inkling of discomfort that came with such silence.

Castiel knelt down to the dead angel's former vessel, speaking softly.

"Goodbye, sister."

*

Sam Winchester was not a calm individual, though Castiel could not blame him with the night's events. This was not to say Dean Winchester was working amicably with Castiel. But he was somehow different.

Of course, Dean Winchester had not killed a demon with a single hand. That could certainly be a contributing factor in this strange journey. And becoming stranger by the moment.

Castiel had been unsure of what to do, something he was becoming uncomfortably familiar with- where were his answers? His orders? What was he to do with a child who believed in God, prayed to him, but possessed supernatural powers?

Sam Winchester was cursed, this he knew certainly, and yet the concern he showed for his brother...

It was unfamiliar to Castiel.

The angel stared at Sam Winchester, seemingly at a loss for words.

"I don't know what happened." His  
eyes- Jimmy's eyes- refused to look away from the younger brother.

He was an angel, he had been following orders.

And yet this had been...

Wrong. Castiel had felt wrong.

"That trap...it shouldn't have broken. I am sorry."

"This _whole thing_ was _pointless_ ," he'd yelled.

"The demons aren't doing the hits. Something else is killing your soldiers."

The discussion only further deterred Castiel's faith in this mission. Sam Winchester did not believe Alastair responsible for the angel killings. Nor did he believe Castiel's apology for Alastair's escape.

Castiel was not the righteous man's brother. But he too, was displeased with the night's events.

Castiel had created the demon trap for Alastair himself. He certainly had not expected the demon to break free, much less harm the man destined to save the world. He hadn't wanted to send Dean Winchester into the room with Alastair.

So why had he?

*

Death claimed another angel sooner than he would like to admit.

Then again, grieving Uriel's death did not seem a logical course of action. Tonight, nothing was logical. Castiel was silent as blood ran down his mouth, staring at the bright light which poured from Uriel's eyes and throes.

Anna spoke with strength, different from his dead sister. This strength was a light made of shadows, impossible. Light was pure, guidance. To be led from such light would be to fade, to enter darkness.

To fall.

There was no greater sin. Yet Anna did not hold the shame of sin, or even the anger of Uriel. She spoke with a steady and confident voice.

"Maybe. Or maybe not. But there's still me."

His fallen sister still held light, but this light was sour- there was that word again- pale, sickly. And yet it was sweet.

Annael's grace was different from the others, she still shone of pale blue. But there was something unnatural inside of her. This sour strength was thick and controlling, an irregular twist within her being.

Light blue had become one with yellow, a soft, pale yellow which curled round her like the ribbons Castiel had seen her wear as a child. He'd only stayed for a moment. She'd been eating, celebrating something. She wore a white dress and green ribbons.

Her mouth was outlined in brown. A brown piece of bread say on the table, covered in pinks and blues. 'Happy 7th birthday!'

Castiel had briefly turned his head, what was a birthday? Anna seemed...different. He remembered wondering why she had not mentioned it to him, if they made her face so bright and mouth so wide.

He felt an odd tug at the smiling child and her parents. Castiel left quickly, made himself forget. He'd only taken a peek, how could he have known what scene earth would show?

Surely he was mistaken. The child was not a pure, bright blue soul. Anna's soul held the same color of her grace. Blue and yellow.

He had seen this before, where the sun met the sky, and the sky traced the water. He had witnessed it in Dean Winchester's dream. What had he called it?

Sea foam. It was the color of sea foam, ocean mist, sunlight over water. Yes that was it.

Perhaps this shade was not so unorthodox. After all, Dean Winchester had dreamt of such things, and he was chosen by God. As Uriel collapsed it occurred to Castiel that he had been saved by a fallen angel.

But with his betrayal, Uriel would have also soon fallen. To fall; it was a childish and impetuous choice. To fail. He could not understand what had led his siblings astray, or how two fallen angels could be so different.

Uriel had been wicked, blasphemous in his hatred of humanity. Castiel now knew Uriel's unhappiness as what it was: jealousy. The very emotion which had caused Lucifer to fall.

To have emotions opened gates to hatred, jealousy, disobedience. But in the blazing light of Uriel's fading grace, Anna's wings shone bright as Castiel's. They were a stark contrast to the black ash which now coated the floor: Uriel's feathers.

Castiel stared at Anna and her strong, remade vessel.

Like the sea foam of Dean Winchester's dream, the dividing line for light and dark was becoming less and less clear.

*

After Uriel's death, Castiel's solitude became even more apparent. It was an absence he had neither noticed nor cared about prior to his human interactions.

He spoke with Zachariah before leaving, telling him of his intentions to help Dean Winchester.

A mistake.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Kids and comments are appreciated, thanks guys!


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